6'0 tall, former athlete, mother of 3, struggling to keep up on the RUN of daily life.

Monday, May 2, 2011

From Envy to Inspiration

This weekend was AMAZING!! I spent my time outside with my boys and Family...it was relaxing and tranquil. I am hoping to have some pictures soon, I purposely did not bring my camera so I would be IN THE PRESENT instead of trying to capture images of the moments.. One thing about Saturday morning was a caught a serious case of.....
Race Envy is a Real thing...I have felt it a few times in my life and it hit hard on Saturday morning..

Knowing that Katie A. HERE was racing to a huge Marathon PR in Eugene, along with Kim HERE speeding in the Half and Stacie HERE running with her Husband for their first Half Marathon together.. ENVY!!! Yes I know I just race the Boston Marathon 2 weeks ago, but it really did not feel like I was racing since I STRUGGLED... I want so badly to connect with my SPEED and put together a perfect PR performance, I have not felt that feeling since last year in Eugene.. WAH!! WAH!! I know I am a huge Whiner...BUT!!!

I believe that Envy is a useless emotion.
What good does it do me to want for what others have?

Envy makes you bitter.
Envy makes you complacent.
Envy breeds self doubt.
Envy is anything but action.

So what did I do? I took the Envy and changed it to Inspiration.

I was tired, had been in the car most the day and am still fighting a cold....but I knew so many others had run this weekend. Jess HERE and Harmony HERE ran killer Half Marathon training runs in prep for Windermere Marathon on May 14th. Chelsea HERE ran 10.5 miles, her longest distance ever. Zoe HERE nearly got a new 5K PR.

INSPIRED!! I set out for a Fast 10 miles. I wanted to get sub 8's, to see if I am in Half PR shape. I set out STRONG.. It was a BEAUTIFUL day so warm. I wore a tank top.
My tank top was too short and my capris kept falling down
I have a sizable gut, need ab work stat
Bugs flying in my eyes and mouth
Weird Pain in my left should blade
Blister forming on right arch
Lots of people blocking the whole path
Could no breathe through my nose
A Runner who refused to wave or acknowledge me
Bikers trying to take me out

I started FAST and it felt great, I was not sure if I could keep the pace but I didn't care. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my left shoulder blade, OUCH OUCH OUCH!! I kept running hoping it would pass and it did. Read Annoyances above...I was working through some things in my mind..
Should I sign up for a Marathon to try for a Sub 4? Then Retire
Why am I so mad about my Boston Finish time?
I should register for a Half this weekend?
I need to race
Races cost so much $$$
I cant race I am sick and my body is recovering from Boston
Why am I slowing down, come on Mel, Speed up!!
Why cant I just focus on family and not have this obsession with Racing?

Tall Mom the competitive athlete is clearly having a fight with Tall Mom the Mom :) It is a struggle daily of where to put my effort and my thoughts. At times when I try to balance it all I end up short on more than one account. But I don't plan on Giving up. I believe that I can find a balance and work toward my goals without sacrificing my family.

What is next? You will have to stay tuned to find out.. But I am happy to report that I ran 10 miles at 8:15 pace, INSPIRED by all my amazing Running buddies. Speaking of Inspired, I combined the Forrest Gump photo with a quote and posted on Dean Karnazes Facebook page..

Running across the country?? There has to be a screw loose in Dean's head, I don't Envy him AT ALL!! I bet everything hurts right now, but he is getting so close. GO DEAN!!

  • THE MESSAGE: Envy can take over your mind and soul. You can Envy someone for their looks, speed, accomplishments, and on and on.. but at the end of the day Envy will not get you moving. Trade Envy for Inspiration, and who knows where your feet will take you??


Anonymous said...

I totally know where you are coming from with envy. I ran the full Eugene Marathon last minute and had a 17min PR but then get all jealous when I see how other people kicked my ass on the course. Stupid, right?! I should be PROUD of my time for not training for a marathon. I need some perspective!!!!

BabyBrock said...

Love your honesty in this post! Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

Marlene said...

What a great honest post. I am sure you are not the only Mom out there with this struggle and I know your post will help someone else find their way, whether from envy to inspiration, or the balance between running life and family life (and work life, etc.)

Rest assured that you are an inspiration to MANY of us!

Awesome job on the 10-miler... hope you can sniff out a great half marathon soon because you have a PR in those legs!

Penny said...

Congrats on you 10 miler. Thanks for being so honesty. I know it is so hard when you are in the mist of struggles. I believe we will learn something from our struggle that we have. Even when the mind is saying one thing and you are feeling another. Stay strong.

Amanda - TooTallFritz said...

I fully understand where you are coming from. It is soooo hard to be a mom and an athlete. And I want to race all the time! The racing is my reward for putting up with the training and getting my butt out the door.

I started off the year well by keeping up my miles even in the cold, windy, snowy weather plus managing "Mommy" issues, but then had some serious hip pain end of FEB. So I rehabbed, laid low in MAR & APR with the idea of this big come back yesterday, May 1st, at a fast local 1/2 marathon. Then the Flu Bug took me out @ 7pm on SAT night. I'm still devestated and teary. As I was lying on the bathroom floor crying for MY mommy and feeling super sorry for myself, I tried to focus on the postive. 1) I was at home, not at an out of town race lying on a hotel bathroom floor, I mean, at least I had 2 bathmats to absorb my tears. 2) I have a back up, with the next 1/2 being on June 4th and 3) At least it wasn't marathon day. But I still don't feel better and of course the weather was perfect and my friends ALL brought home PRs.

Things don't always work out the way we want and I think its ok to NOT be ok with that. I am still pissed over my 2010 Chicago Marathon finish. The whole day was a train wreck from the time I left my drive. But I signed up again for 2011. Sometimes the disappointments drive us to be better the next time out.....or at least get our butts out the door to TRY to be better next time.

Good luck All!!

Kerrie said...


Meredith said...

I here you on the envy. As I sat in the Spokane airport yesterday waiting to come home I saw so many people wearing "Bloomsday Finisher" Shirts. I have no desire to run Bloomsday, but I felt myself getting envious. I had to sit there reminding myself, "I ran 20 yesterday! I ran 20 yesterday!" Made me feel a bit better :) Glad you got a run in. It was probably best you didn't join us on Saturday - it wasn't pretty. The route was, but not the run. Ouch.

Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...

Thank you for mentioning me and others that inspired you! That means so much that I culd inspire YOU!!!

Race envy is totally real--I get it now! Wait, what? We are envious of others running 26.2 miles? Who pays for that?! Umm, hi, yes us. Crazy runners!

I know you have many more fabulous races in you! Don't know how you do it all and so well too!

{will run for margaritas} said...

I know what you mean about race envy - it sucks and it really is pointless (but a real thing!). I'm glad you got to spend time with your little ones and family - just think about how much fun you had. I'm sure the little guys really enjoyed having you around! You are an awesome mom and runner - you'll race soon and it will be totally worth it!

track coach and adorable wife said...

I have a bad case of the running envy, and have for a while. It seemed easier to just stay away from this whole world when I couldn't participate in it. Everytime I would read about people racing and meeting up, I would start to feel sorry for myself, and that was no good.

Now I feel myself being pulled back into this world just at the mere sight of my own finish line. Excitement is overcoming me at being able to join everyone soon and now I am just trying to be happy for what others are getting to do instead of focusing on what I am missing!

Kittee said...

Great Post!
Love your total Honesty.
I think most of us runners suffer from Envy at some point. I have a really comfortable chair in that department..

You are fast by the way! Way to run 10 miles.

Amanda said...

Great job on the 10 miles! I would love to keep that pace for even 5 :)

You should come down for the Portland Half, I'll be doing the full, my first full marathon! I'm so excited to be heading north for a race.

Rach said...

We get so caught up with all the training, especially for a marathon, that if you don't hit your goal time, it's hard not to beat yourself up over it (I'm still not over my subpar time from NYC last November) But you know what? Less than 1 percent of the world has even finished a marathon...even if it's not a PR, it's still a damn good accomplishment to finish one!

Unknown said...

8:15s? For 10 miles? I think you connected with your SPEED.

Can't wait to see what you've got planned next. It's going to be a great summer/fall.

Unknown said...

Race envy? I have pace envy. I would have loved to run my last race anywhere near your pace. Congrats on the run.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

No matter what goals you set next for Runner Tall Mom or Mommy Mel, the journey to them is what it is all about. Balancing the need to show our families that we need some of our time just as we need to give them some of our time. It takes a lifetime to learn how.

I like the thought that I shouldn't be envious but inspired. This weekend was full of that! But each runners accomplishments were so different due to where they are in life and running. So great that Katie can "live" running right now and you can go out (while sick) and pull low 8 for 10 miles! Dorothy ran her 16th marathon and Steph did two in one weekend. Then there are people like my friend Kevin who ran 4 with his dog. All enviable runs, just for different reasons.
So Tall Mom...where's the road taking you? I can't wait to see!

DaphneB said...

Wow, this could not have come at a better time.

Unknown said...

You are one tough lady. Can't wait to hear what your going to do next.
P.S. we should go on a run sometime soon. :)

Lisa said...

It's so annoying when running clothes don't fit right, and it always seems to happen on longer runs too! I love that you used those emotions to inspire you to go out and run. Glad you had such a great weekend!

Coy Martinez said...

I'm thankful that I wasnt the only one who had race envy this weekend. ALL of my running friend ran but me, I sat on the sidelines to make sure I didn't hurt my dumb ankle anymore so I could make my first trail half in 3 weeks. IT WAS TOUGH to not run. I even cried.

Thanks for sharing!

Kate Geisen said...

You're so inspiring to so many people, and thank you for saying some of the things that we're all probably feeling at one time or another. I totally get the race envy. A few weeks ago, literally every one of my running friends was racing or spectating, and I was home. That's OK, my family needs me too. Balance, it can be so difficult.

Unknown said...

Great post, thanks for sharing!

Anita said...

Great post, love all the eye candy to illustrate your thoughts and ideas. Thanks for sharing~

Zenaida Arroyo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zenaida Arroyo said...

Thanks for being so honest. I envy you for being able to run 10 miles at an 8:15 pace. Wow! I can barely run one at a 10:00 pace. You are truly inspiring! I know one day I will be able to catch up to you. :)

I also envy first time marathon runners with a sub 5 or sub 4 finish time or those that qualify for Boston. I can't help it.

I will trade envy for inspiration and keep on running. :)


Average Woman Runner said...

Oh I hear ya, Mel. Envy yes. Work-family balance, hell yes. It's hard. Just remember to ask yourself, how many moms out there are working full time AND qualified/ran in Boston AND have a happy, supportive family. THAT'S YOU!
As always, take it day by day.

XLMIC said...

I may get twinges but no full-blown envy any longer... yay, me. lol

I LOVE that Edison quote.

You ARE inspiring...I am loving reading your blog :)