6'0 Tall wife to Muscle Man, mother of 3, full time career woman, with an addiction to running wherever her size 10's will take her.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I can't Fake it

As much as I would love to go back to my bubbly self I can't fake it. I am still VERY VERY SAD...on the brink of crying every moment of the day. My purpose this week has been to help my Mom in any way I can. She is so strong, we have been very productive considering the impossible task.

This morning I realized that I am only at 57 miles for the month. I had hoped to run 83 for the CHALLENGE.. Hmmmm 26 miles in 5 days?? It is possible, spreading Marathon miles over less than a week. Will see. How are you doing on the CHALLENGE?

I don't have much to report it has been POURING here and I have a cold. Trying to avoid getting full blown sick I have remained indoors. But today the sun is shining...I just had my coffee...and I plan to hit the pavement.

OOPS- I never drew a winner for the TMB Endurance headbands... I decided to pick #59 for my Dad.. And the Winner is Shelly at One Foot in Front of the Other...this is pretty funny because Shelly makes headbands too...but I also know she wears headbands daily and is a long time Tall Mom fan... Click the name above to visit Shelly, she is a true inspiration and has a BIG RACE this weekend. Shelly I am not sure when I will get the prize in the mail, but I already have your address :) If you need a GREAT Headband go HERE and Shop.

And since I can't fake it, I am going to share a few things I have learned with the passing of my Father..
  1. Take pictures of everyone...do not just focus on the young. Those pictures will mean so much when that person passes.
  2. Learn about the collections and hobbies. My Dad had several passions, we never fully took the time to listen and learn... We now hope to carry on his legacy, but we have to start without the knowledge that he had.
  3. Turn off the TV and spend time talking. Share stories about childhood, great memories..
  4. Keep a family journal to record those memories.
  5. Call, write, email, visit, do not let time pass without connecting in some way. The last phone call I had with my Dad will be with me forever.... Find time for lunch, dinner, or just spending time together.
  6. Create Family Traditions, traditions that hold your family strong.

I will head out for a run today, hang with my family tonight and go back to work tomorrow. Thank you for all of your love, prayers, emails and support.. It truly means so much to me and my family.

When someone you love becomes a memory,

that memory becomes a treasure..

40 comments:

nikeathena said...

You don't have to apologize for being sad - you've suffered a tremendous loss. As time passes the ache of the wound will lessen and you'll be filled with the memories of the time you did have with your dad. Thank you for being honest and sharing your thoughts. I plan to put them into action this weekend. *hugs*

Christa said...

I am a follower of yours. Just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you alot lately. You are truly an inspiration!! Even though I never met your Dad- I am sure that he would be so proud of the person that you have become.

Isnt there a song "Live everyday as though its your last" It is hard sometimes when we are in full mommy mode but I try to remember that.

Amanda said...

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. What wisdom you share! Thank you. Life gets so busy and we get so caught up in our day to day that it is so easy to forget what really matters. I think I will make time for a girls' night with my mom this week instead of putting it off again and again until we find the time. Thank you for your insight and honest and raw words. I know we don't know each other yet but you're in my prayers. So glad that your blog was what I read before getting on with my day.

marathonmaiden said...

yet again ((hugs)) never apologize for being sad. and you are so strong :)

Marlene said...

Give yourself the time you need to heal. I hope that spending time with loved ones is helping you cope. Wish there was more I could do. :(

Good luck going back to work.

Emz said...

I am so very sorry. I am in tears typing this.

I loved your list #1-6. all of them. so true. and a must. must.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sending some sun from AZ.

Angie Bee said...

I think about you often Mel.
I wish you peace :)

teacherwoman said...

I am so sorry to read about your loss. Sending you my deepest condolences. *Hugs*

Kim said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it's tough...

I hit 83 miles on your challenge and would like to donate my extra miles this week to you! There should be close to 26 of them by Sunday, so you are off the hook!

Just wanted you to know how much you are loved.

Kim

Amy said...

Losing a parent is so hard. I remember struggling with the smallest things. I didn't even know how to answer, "How are you?" because I wasn't fine. It's ok to be sad, and not be ok, and not be fine. It takes time, but one day you'll find yourself feeling like your bubbly self, and you'll realize you're not faking it. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself.

Katie A. said...

Don't even appologize for not being upbeat - we all totally understand. You are strong, and I'm impresssed and touched you found time to let us all know how you're doing. Hang in there.
Good luck tomorrow, if it doesn't feel good, go home and hug those boys of yours!
(((huggss)))

Megan said...

You don't need to fake it, you can feel however you need to feel to grieve. This post choked me up when you listed the things you've learned from your Dad - I especially like connect with your family ALL THE TIME. This is something that has become more important to me as I get older. My prayers are with you.

Julie @ "Hotlegs Runner" said...

sending prayers, good vibes, and massive virtual hugs your way! Keep on keepin'on. =)

Rene' said...

Oh Mel! i have been thinking of you often this month and missing your posts. I loved your advice on staying connected and will keep it close to my heart. your dad sounds like a special person and you were very lucky to have him. Good luck on your runs this week.

Aimee said...

You definitely don't need to fake anything. Losing someone is emotionally trying and draining, and I'm sure it's all still very raw. Your list was awesome! Thanks for sharing it with us. Just know that we are all thinking of you and your family.

Kate said...

There's no need to fake it. You only hurt yourself when you're pushing down your feelings. You lost your dad...it's normal to feel sad right now.

I know what you mean...my last phone call with my dad is precious to me. He wasn't a super demonstrative guy, though I always knew I was loved, but the last time I talked to him I told him I loved him and he said it back. Even now, almost 17 years later, I get excited to see a picture of him turn up, or something in his handwriting. Memories are precious.

MCM Mama said...

{{{HUGS}}} Feel what you need to feel. It's normal to be sad right now. Hang in there. You continue to be in my thoughts.

run with Jill said...

I can't imagine what you are going through! Cry all you want. It's healthy.
The sun is shining bright today. Hope you had a great run and breathed in a lot of fresh air.
thanks for sharing your comments. After reading this post, I decided to bite the bullet and pay the airfare to spend xmas with my brother, Dad, and 4 nieces and nephews.

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

I'll jump right to the end of your post because I get so emotional thinking of your dad passing simply brings my dad's passing to the surface again. 6 years later it's still right there! (Good memories too) BUT your list. The conversation. My dad call my house shortly before he died. He left a message, "Hi Shell. It's Dad...." As if he had to tell me. That message is still on the machine. When I think I am weak or carrying a burden that I can't bare, I play that message. It reminds me of his voice. I took so much strength from it. It reminds me who I am and that I am strong. Stronger than I sometime think. Yes, I have videos that I can hear daddy talking in (and he made us an audio tape after he found out he had cancer) but that message somehow means a little more to me.
I wonder why it takes a loss to bring people closer together? To remind us to take time.
Oh and the photos. The moms. So many moms take the photo and then are not in them! Use the timer this year at Thanksgiving. This is for everyone out there...and me too.
You are amazingly strong. I know that you will turn to those comforting memories as the days go by. We are all thinking of you and your family.

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

Yeah! I am happy to win a cool headband from TMB! She has such killer style.

Deb said...

You don't have to apologize for being honest. You need to give yourself the time to heal and you have to let yourself feel things to get there.

I hope things get easier for you.

Colleen said...

I would be more concerned if you were sad... just take time for yourself and your family and hopefully time will heal some of the hurt you have. :( A big hug to you...

Pemberton Family said...

Still praying for you Mel! I can't imagine what you are going through but I am sure your mom is really appreciating the extra time you are spending with her. Hang in there!

TNTcoach Ken said...

Mel, just the fact that you're blogging is amazing. Do what you have to do and the running and blogging will be there. Big hugs from the High Five state!

Denise said...

don't apologize. you're allowed to be sad and no one expects you to be bubbly. hope you're getting the support you need.

Terri said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't even have words to express how much. So very sorry.

5 Miles 2 Empty said...

Take time to be sad, Mel. It's ok, normal and necessary! Allow yourself to be the way you feel. My heart breaks for you. Wish there was something I could do.

Lois B said...

My heart goes out to you, Mel. Prayers for you and your family.

Molly said...

Oh Mel, I've been thinking of you....of course you're going to be sad. Take care of yourself, and your family, I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Lisa said...

thanks for sharing these lessons with us. I'm going to write my aunt & uncle a note.

Hunnybee said...

You feel exactly what you need to feel. My thoughts are with you and your family. and your post has such wisdom in it, we take so many things for granted.

Alisa said...

You shouldn't have to fake it. Be real, be sad, it's okay!

Thinking of you!

Alili said...

The beauty of blogging is that you get to be you - every aspect of you - because this is your space. The rest of us just lap up the lessons and the encouragement. And we send you positivity when you are hurting.

OrangeBlossom said...

I wouldn't want you to fake it! Losing your father is sad. Give yourself permission to grieve.

Don't worry about the challenge. You are still an inspiration to me. I think I'll just squeak in 83 miles this month. My goal is to keep it at least this high and slowly add more. What would you consider a good base?

Kerrie T. said...

I think being sad is OK and totally normal. We know your smile will return, Mel. Part of that smile you got from your dad, after all. :) Running will return when you're ready. I think our bodies and minds just know what to do sometimes and we have to just kind of hang on. Hugs.

Funnyrunner said...

Awww. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. So, so sorry. It's going to take time for the hurt to fade. In the meantime, surround yourself with folks who love you...and remember that running helps with depression, even if you don't feel like running. So sorry...

fancy nancy said...

Still praying for you and your family! I can only imagine how hard it must be for you so no need to pretend to be bubbly! Hang in there and thank you for the family advice. You just never know and even when you do it is never the right time. Having a father who has a critical illness, I treasure every time I get to see him because I never know!

Julie D. said...

Mel, praying for you. I love what you wrote at the end about what you have learned. My parents live in California and I sadly, let too much time pass with out connecting. I will be changing that. I love them and treasure them so much...I need to not get too busy with life. Thanks for the reminders. Continued prayers for your journey of grief. It is so hard.

Amber said...

I can't agree with you more. My grandfather passed away in August and I am so thankful for the memories I have of him. He got sick several years ago, so I decided then to begin a journal. I asked him several questions about his life and wrote his answers. I always asked about his childhood, his salvation story, his work, his life as father, etc. I have also taken more pictures that most people want, but I always say, "You'll be glad I took these one day."

Heather Forcey said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I lost my dad very suddenly a year and a half ago. There are so many emotions you go through trying to figure out what your new "normal" is. I remember wanting to scream at people for having the nerve to do everyday things like shop at the grocery store or go to work. Didn't they know my heart was split in two, and I didn't know if I'd ever be able to be normal again? All I can say is that time helps. All of your feelings, emotions, energy levels and thoughts are normal. Everyone is on a different time table, but I think after six months, I was finally able to let go of the anger and sense of unfairness. Really, truly, I now think of the good memories. The sadness is still there, but it is dull and not quite so cutting. I pray that you and your family will find peace. Hugs and prayers.